I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
