WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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