I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
