i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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