meet me or not, i'm out of control
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
