ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
