I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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