He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
