My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
