your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
