yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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