listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
