The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
