oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
