so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
