I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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