He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've blown a few things in my day
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
love makes seman taste better
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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