to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
