Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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