fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
