Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
