Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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