please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
