she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
