I am puke
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize