Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i out mim tonsoeep
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
