We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
