And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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