your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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