So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
