This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
