she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I will be naked everywhere
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
