Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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