you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
