if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
