You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
