i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
