so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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