Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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