i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
