I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
