just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
