I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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