She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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