I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize