I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
