Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Randomize
