I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
