Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
