I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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