They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize