I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
