remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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