You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
