Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize