it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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