Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
