it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
