It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
