You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
PANTIES FOUND
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
