piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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