So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
