I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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