I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
