You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
