You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
