theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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